Birth days

I just had another birthday. I used to get SO excited about this one day of the year. This time it wasn't much to get excited about. Really? Could that be it? I no longer am happy about having another celebration of my birth? OK. It is. I don't know why I felt that way either. Maybe because I am feeling older now instead of just getting older. Maybe it's because I have a son now and so my birthday takes a seat on the back burner (so to speak) by the memory and the celebration of his birth. So, it's not all about me. Maybe it was the dumb show I watched that got me upset because it brought up emotions that I am trying to suppress. Who knows, but whatever it was/is my birthday just doesn't bring the same excitement that it used to.

Now, I'm not saying all this to grouse (my new favorite word from my friend Beth) because I have a great life. In fact, the day after my birthday was great. My wonderful husband made me his pumpkin pie - yummmmm and brought me breakfast in bed. AHHHHHH. But it was also very relaxing to just hang out with Brian and Toby. I also swept and mopped the floors on the main level but that was also rewarding since it REALLY needed it.

The postman just brought me the gifts that Brian ordered for my birthday. Robin McGraw's new book and the 2nd season of Grey's Anatomy. Yes, I'm addicted. But it's such a "naughty" show for me, a Christian, to watch--despite the fact that Brian announced to everyone on Sunday that I love this show. Oh well. If this is my vice so be it. It's on tonight and I can't wait to see what happens next. So there.

I guess the point of all this is that even though there was no fan fare on my birthday (although there was a cake but that's another blog all together) I'm ok with that. I have Brian and Toby who celebrate me all throughout the year. Lately Toby is getting back into hugging and now kissing us again. What more do I need?



(BTW - the picture is from Toby's actual birth day. :)

Drummmmmmm

Brian is not only a preacher/teacher, but he's also a drummer. Anyone that went to our wedding might remember a little number he played with his brother ("Sweet Home Alabama") to close out the night. It was great. But, he's ALWAYS tapping or making some sort of percussional (is that a word?) noise. Oh, don't get me wrong, he's SOOOOOO MUCH better then when we were first married, but he still likes to "tap, tap, taparoo (thank you Happy Gilmore)." For someone, like me, that has ADHD, that's something that is so annoying - to the point where I don't hear anything else. Now, I've adjusted too, but some days, and mostly in the car, I'm more easily annoyed.

So, what was I thinking when I bought him a drum for our anniversary 2 years ago? I'm really not sure, but, it's the best gift I've given him. He uses it at church and with Toby - who also seems to have a propensity for drumming (or 'dummin' as he calls it). I love to watch and listen to them play together and to see Toby dance along to the beat. It's a great bond for them since I can't do much but try to mimic Brian! And it's a beautiful sound - even on those days when my fuse is shorter.

Ouch! Biting Hurts

It seems that Toby is growing up faster then I could ever imagine. We've been working on so much with him - manners, the potty, colors, and lots more. He's a sponge. On Friday I took him to a play date at the library and brought back a book called Teeth are Not For Biting. He doesn't bite a lot except when he's teething, but he's been bitten very hard (it left bruise marks for 5 days) and we'd like him to be able to stand up for himself without biting back. So, we have read him this book and he likes it.

Today, Sunday, he woke up and got the book I placed next to his crib. He was reading and playing by himself for a bit and then called for me. I went in and said good morning, turned on his light and gave him a kiss. He was standing there with the book open at his feet to the page where the little girl had been bitten. Toby said "Ouch! Biting hurts." It was as if he could actually read, since those were the exact words on the page. WOW, I said - that's right, good job. But what I was really thinking was - are you kidding???? You're 21 months and you said your first sentence - in context even - WOW!!!!!

Sometimes I wish he'd slow down and not grow up so quickly but I know it's wonderful that he's such a happy and healthy toddler.

9/11 - 5 years later

9/11 was awful. What I thought of was that my entire family lived, at the time, either in NYC or about 1 hr. from there and I was 2,000 mls. away from them I felt helpless in so many ways. My parents were close enough that my father liked to go down to the beach on a clear day to see the towers. On 9/11 he watched them on fire. I first called my parents and then Brian. My brother works in NY and thank The Lord, happened to call in sick that day. He was, if I remember correctly, due to go to a meeting in or around the WTC. Writing this now is actually making my heart race at the thought of all the families that had brothers, or relatives that weren't sick that day. I remember my grandmother and the fear in her voice describing the scence to me from her balcony terrace after it took me a very long time to get through to her.

But, it's not really about my family, who all survived. I remember hearing about my other brother's long time friend, Talbot, and how he was in one of the buildings and helped others to get out. He too made it out. But Mark Motroni didn't (Mark Motroni, Wall of Americans). He is the brother of one of our family's oldest friends. So, every year I call and leave Hector and his family a message and tell them that we're thinking of them and that we love them. It's something that tears me up everytime I see them.

Unfortunately I now have a HUGE, almost debilitating, fear of taking the train into or anywhere in NYC. And, my brother does this everyday. I'm not sure how. I just can't seem to do it. But hopefully some day I will. Or else they've won, right? Isn't that how it goes? Where's my faith?

BONKERS!

This is one of my son's favorite words. He uses it all the time - mostly when he falls, which he does often since he's the ripe old age of 20 months. But he uses it when he bangs his head against the side of his crib when he's not looking, and the way he says it is wonderful and everytime he says it I love it. It's his way of dealing with the stress of being a toddler. It's not always this pretty, for example, he hasn't quite mastered the stress of frustration. He usually bites himself on the arm. OUCH! In any case, for a little guy he seems to handle stress much better then his parents, more specifically - his mom. The stresses of being a stay at home mom are so different then working and I wouldn't trade it for anything. The stress of being responsible for this little one's life is indescribable.

As Toby gets older he's testing boundaries and that makes me nervous beyond explanation. Yesterday he started crawling up a hill to the street when we were visiting the horses (which made him giggle). Two days before that he fell in the bathtub when he was standing up (HUGE bonkers on his head) and now he's lost his fear of the water at the beach. This is my new stress. Completely different and without prayer I am not sure I wouldn't be in a padded room by now.

But I am learning to work this out with every battle we face together. Hopefully I won't fall down too much to where I can't get up and say bonkers and brush off the dust.